REALITY CHECK
You need to work hard to sustain a relationship. marriage needs a baseline and a structure to survive the test. This infra-structure needs to be built before taking vows for the contract to your second half of your deen.
Before even considering marriage, you need to consider yourself and the first part of your deen. Lots of brothers and sisters talk to their family and friends about getting married. The questions that you should be asking yourself is:
are you ready?
are you marriage potential?
do you pray salah 5 times and day with khushoo (humility, sincerity, humbleness or tranquility)?
do you pay your zakah yearly?
do you fastduring ramadhan?
Do you carry out your deeds for the sole purpose of your Lord Allah azawajal?
Have you thought about Hajj or umrah?
These things seem basic but is essential to conside before marriage because you are taking on someone elses religion, zakah, ramadhan, Hajj regardless of whether your the husband or wife.
Look in the mirror and quickly analyse yourself and really think are you marriage potential:
i. are you the brother/sister that fails to wake up for fajr
ii. are you the brotherthat misses jummah at times?
iii. are you the sister that is struggling to wear the hijab and want to be noticed rather than fading into the background?
O mankind! There has come to you a good advice from your Lord (i.e. the Qur'an, ordering all that is good and forbidding all that is evil), and a healing for that (disease of ignorance, doubt, hypocrisy and differences, etc.) in your breasts, - a guidance and a mercy (explaining lawful and unlawful things, etc.) for the believers [10:57]
What are you looking for in a marriage partner?
And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect[30:21]
Allah azawajal has put peace, tranquility, love and mercy between the heart and so this is the pinnacle of religion. Therefore in a relationship, these factors make up the core essence of marriage and will lead to a successful marriage.
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust.(Sahih Bukhari, 008;3457).
This emphasises religion in the descision making of choosing a marriage partner. So when you seek a partner look for their deen (how much they love Allah and how much they fear Allah). Look at whether this person has been hajj or umrah, see if the person is involved in dawah project, does this person attend mosque regularly. Others do choose beauty but beauty comes and goes. But if you look at someone who has a strong deen, then at they will have a strong deen at the end. marry a person with strong faith as did Prophet Muhammad (SAWS).
What to look for?
i. A person that prays 5 times a day
ii. A person who has knowledge of their religion
iii. A person who has high sense of morality and modesty
iv. A pious and righteous person.
Allah is the Most Just. If you ask for the best, then you have to be the best yourself. You have to bring something to the plate. If you wantspecial blessings from Allah azawajal, you will have to change and become a better Muslims, it is essential to analyse yourself.
Finally, healthy marriage is based on emaan. couples unite due to Taqwa (fear of Allah azawajal) and love for Allah azawajal. This united factor allows couples to be able to face problems together and face commitments/obligations together. Even in the most intimate affairs. There is love in islamic marriage, there is happiness in an islamic marriage. if your a romantic person, then yes there is romance in islamic marriage. there is preconception among some Muslims that life stops after marriage but NO, it's just the beginning.
It is a new chapter of life, when life ends with heartache but this will make you a better Muslim. Instead, you gain a tag team partner who helpes you to get through life. Problems you can listen to and advice (vice versa). You will gain so much from an islamic marriage subhanAllah. You will get blessings and your patience will be rewarded. Make sure that each others right are filled. The best of marriages are based in Qur'an and Sunnah. We are the future generation, so be someone to encourage and marry someone to get encouragement from. Gain someone to teach and learn from. You must try to work together with your spouse to make a strong backbone for an islamic marriage.
Fi'amanillah
Recommended:
[1] Fabolous ebook:
[2] Great website for brothers/sisters in seekign marriage and ettiques regarding the sunnah of marriage:
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